how does what i’m listening to impact the process of my thoughts and how much i am able to put out? is there a limit to my process? is there a process? is there an emphasis that comes about because of the bass as the base as the basis = there’s more head bobbing and more a slow vibe to the addition of music that does not flow and more bangs like that drink with caffeine and knowing that there is at least one other person watching this evolution beyond self is performance art in the making. fingers shaking from caffeine and sugar and excitement. shopping online? this is the impact of an ad coming on and this space is free of a need to make a terrible amount of sense. how am i going to make 2 and more pages of sense for things like school how am i going to graduate from my current life circumstances to go onward to ever greater heights and the beauty of mind is my reasoning. yes helping people is lovely and altruistic and at the same time i want these institutions to break me open and take me places that i might not be able to go on my own or through my own efforts it may take an exponentially longer amount of time. is it about need or is it about want? the desire to phoenix transform metaphysic metamorphosis… i am amused by the computer learning from my general use of certain words to help me along meta this and meta that. isn’t that the new name of facebook’s parent company? that’s some power right there. to be thinking about thinking. hello ontological processes. epistemological inquiries. other eulogy’s of knowledge . i meant to go somewhere else like an apology for losing my mind. diagnosis: bipolar and i am still grappling with the implications. diagnosis: genetics. klinefelters infertility i would not have thought that it meant as much to be as it did and does and yet i know that i want to know if i can procreate or if if it was never destiny of this incarnation to be able to do such an action. a lot more of this writing makes sense even though there is not one particular thought that is coming out to the forefront. his name is chris. can i say the names of lovers whether they call themselves that or not? we do as we do and that’s mostly sex with some intimacy thrown in and that’s okay and also who is catching feelings that would be as indicated by the time when he broke up with me — look at the way that i’m relating to it now. i could continue to keep things like this as only discussions in therapy and yet there’s such richness of possibility in here over there. how many names have i experienced outside and inside of the, feels the keyboards softness to the touch of fingertips… there’s– change the music right here and see what happens. from rap to Ibeyi. soak up into the sounds.