What if I bec(a-o)me a long haired

– possibly loc’d & selectively pierced– 

tattooed, light skinned (creole*) black,

gunmetal femme spirited, 

organically expressive, queerly

beloved, poetically inclined, 

trans (womyn) person?

What would that look like? 

How would my life change? 

Does that include hormones? 

Surgery? 

Naturally transitioning? 

Where is the make up? 

Hair removal? 

Why? 

Where? 

What am I gaining? 

Losing? 

Who’s life is this? 

What are the (possible) repercussions? 

For speaking Truth to Power? 

Why? 

Why? 

Why? 

Unicorn,

fairy,

deity,

angel:

fuck you!

 

I’m human. 

I was born

a person. 

What if I

trans:cend-gress

further?

What if…

Touch me like I am worthy

of your deep affection.

 

Know my own worth, 

abstinence is recalibration.

 

Kiss my name into my own skin 

where unimaginable sensitivities

end and begin, 

your name is like fire

on the tongue. 

I speak it

like destiny 

and flood my

nervous system 

with fractals of desire. 

I am not yours 

and you are not mine 

but, there is something

clandestine 

about the ways in which we hold,

each other,

still.

The infinity of

time and space 

magnificently manifests

itself 

as luxurious honeysuckles

(inter)twining themselves 

throughout curl pattern

harkening to lore, 

days of sky as rooting

place and stars, 

stars, stars as

rich conditioner, 

fertilizer caressing

all tendrils.

With three eyes,

I see me.

With three eyes,

I see you.

With three eyes,

I see us.

Dancing, dancing, dancing. 

Liberation is my hip sway 

and freedom is

my open mouth song.

Temple,

I am. 

Temple,

I be.

Siiaah “Fleece” East (May 3rd, 2015)

:

Maybe I am feeling like these words are self-explanatory. Yup. Homework for others, cause I said what I said the first time. Yup. Feels pretty good: say that!

November 26th, 2021

As a soon to be transitioning into 30+ person, it’s time that I take steps that I was more tentative about at the age of 23, as of this poem. 7 years is almost long enough or may be long enough to say:

• I am working on becoming my/the best version of my Self for my Self. (Periodt Pooh!) It’s not always about being fierce and at the same time, that’s the nature of my life for me– expressing as best as I can at all time.
• Ha. Heaux! There are pictures and I know i’m real so do ya homework.
• My life quality would be higher were I to actually fully commit to a vision of/for my self. Commit, Submit, Admit– something like that. Whereas not being in full means being less overall.
• At 28 I learned that i’m intersex– 47 XXY and that I might be infertile among other considerations so engaging HRT would be depending on fertility testing and other pending actions.
• Surgery is even more extreme than HRT ish. Except for things like laser hair removal which would/could be lovely for cleanliness purposes so as of today it’s handy to ponder what things would make me feel better overall regardless of anything else.
• Naturally transitioning … socially transitioning.. i’m pretty sure that this is the route that i’ve taken for the last 10 years or so depending on how one looks at it. Wearing the clothes that feel good energetically rather than what others would ascribe based on preconceived notions etc. I am learning to let go of certain posturing and embrace what feels good in the body that I’m in and be okay with being okay.
• Make-up for me means lipstick and nail polish, seemingly at most. I haven’t found my self inclined to doing more though others have shown much interest in doing so for their various reasons: apparently i am a pretty canvas to be working with/on. It may change, mayhap with some laser hair removal, however thus far as long as I have a pop of color or hydration i’m quite alright with that as bare minimum.
• I do feel some type of way about hair removal. Like is it for the idea of passing or is it purely because 80% of the time i’m like eh about the feeling? Is this like my aversion to fish because of supposedly choking on a fish bone as a child? You can “always” add, but subtraction is a different ball game and I want to be sure that the reasoning behind me lessening what my body naturally does is not contaminated with other people’s projections/desires and is all about my own position. Then again, so what and where does saying well what if take me… I could deny the yum of attention, but that would be a form of lying, I feel. Typing out these responses feels like hmmmm: let’s take the step to laser it off because if i’m just going to shave as often as i can physically handle– why do that to my self in that way?
• November 30th, 2021

:

1. One day, I will complete these contemplations. But it ain’t gonna be today. And maybe it’s really because they all aggregate together to form a larger verbal conversation. They want mouths and ears not eyes only. It almost hurts me to read these words/this poem– like why is it or is it all so necessary to go through all this*? Seemingly for society, or my own process or to say to others i care too much about that these contemplations are long standing and didn’t come from no where.
2. Like in another post, the idea of letting go of those lingering pieces that just want to be themselves without returning holistically to a core central source– there’s that push and pull here too. moons and tides and structures of the organic mind. this is volcano fire under blue blue black waters and that much softer and safer for others for the distances.
3. further and further away, i put every little detail and them that have long needed to be only infinite vs them that ok with in finite and knowing the distance of difference and the difference of distance: it’s all quite distinct. blue prayers with blue people spiraling– we not always green in the bayou.

December 5th, 2021

Family, She, They, Names

Mxs. Isa Lee Love Jones René